Being the submissive wife

If anyone had spoken about being a submissive wife during the early years of my marriage, I would have shot them down. If they had mentioned it during the 50 Shades of Grey era, I probably would have tossed them into the nearest canal. In what world do people live thinking that wives can actually be submissive. What, with equal rights for both genders. Women fought too hard for that and even now we are still not recognized as equals. Gender equality will not be a reality any time soon. A fact I’m ok with. Both genders have unique qualities to offer and instead of wasting time being upset that women often draw the short end, I embrace it. Often times I find myself using it to my advantage. If you know what you bring to the table you won’t mind eating alone.

Every household have their ways of life. What works for you may not work for me and mine.

Women are forced to take up the role as the head of home. Circumstances may dictate that she does. Sometimes impatience is the motivator and a woman feels like she has no choice. I won’t delve into said circumstances too much because I don’t know your story. Allow me to take you through the dynamics of my home for a minute. A home that is run by two mostly willing participants, unless off course the husband and I take a break from adulting. Which happens every once in a while. Being all grown up and serious can be taxing.

After six months of marriage I wanted a divorce. The guy I married was gone and in his place was this man expecting me to clean up after him. He would consume endless amounts of coffee and leave all his cups for me to wash when I got home from work in the evening. Somehow his mind told him that it was ok to leave his dirty clothes lying around for me to pick up. Now, I need to tell you that the newly wed husband didn’t do that before we got married. He picked up after himself, did his own washing and cooking. In fact, he was quite domesticated. That’s the reason I married him after all. Oh, and maybe the fact that I love him to death. But somehow he had this idea of what he thought marriage should be like. He was raised by a single mom so he had no real example to follow except his perceptions of the marriages he had glimpsed growing up. Needless to say, six months into our marriage, I was no longer the woman he married either. Rude awakening for the both of us.

I’ll never forget the one evening I came home and tossed all the dirty dishes (it was a whole lot!) in the bin and demanded that he 1) Buy others and 2) Stop leaving his dirty dishes for me. I was his wife and not his maid, dammit. Furthermore, I would do washing and leave his in a pile for him to do by himself. I put my foot down and also laid down the law. We both work so how could he expect me to pick up after him. When my anger subsided eventually, we had a long conversation and have been having longer ones ever since then. Voicing our opinions and communicating is our jam. We always know on which page we are as individuals and as a couple. Bit by bit we developed an understanding and without me realising, I became a submissive wife. By no means a quiet wife who caters to my husband’s every whim like a slave, but submissive nonetheless.

You see, being a submissive wife is nothing like the female lead in 50 Shades of Grey. It is not living a life dictated by your husband and obeying orders while slaving away and having no identity. I can’t imagine allowing my husband to boss me around. I’d sooner be miserable on my own than being stuck in a dictatorship marriage. He would probably have been pushing up daisies (at my hand) a long time ago if he was found guilty of it. I am not even that much of an agreeable wife and living my life in fear is not the example I intend on setting for my kids. Nope, that is not how things work in my home. That is also not how I interpret being a submissive wife. Not everyone has the same opinion of what a submissive wife is. It’s also the reason many women balk at the idea.

Husbands are supposed to be the head of the home. In an ideal world as well as in my world. True, this is not always the case. Many women have taken it upon themselves to head the home because plenty of husbands fail to take up their rightful place. Guys, I’m not passing judgement on either parties. I’ not about to go sexist on you either or dissect the Bible to give you a preaching. It’s a mere observation. People do what they have to in order to survive. If it works for you or you’ve made peace with the role then continue. I don’t see me at the head of my home any time soon and I love the benefits of being the submissive wife. It also means that I am a spoilt wife.

Husbands crave to be respected by their wives and children.

They want to be loved, needed and depended on. Mostly respected and needed. That is just how men roll. Women too, but while plenty of us are driven by emotion and need our husband’s to show love, men have the need to be recognized as heroes. I see how my husband thrives on his throne (where i placed him) as the head of the home and the confidence it gives him. Along with that is his eagerness to keep all of us happy and mostly the way he cherishes me. He’s got my back like I have his. We are in this together.

Apart from giving my husband my heart, I give him the respect and adoration he deserves as the keeper of my heart. Knowing that I trust him with my life, my heart and our kids makes him want to risk it all for us. Knowing that I’m independent and will be able to make it on my own but choosing to rely on him makes him feel all the more powerful. And rightfully so. He is MY super hero. Guys, submitting to my husband is no hardship. When I say he’s got my back, I mean it. So many marriages fail because husbands don’t have their wives backs. They don’t stand up for their wives especially when it comes to their families. We’ve experienced this before and my husband once told his mom that he didn’t want to choose between her and me, but if he had to it would be me and our kids. Uhmmm… It’s been a good couple of year but can I just have a moment to celebrate it again. That strengthened my marriage and also my relationship with my late mother in law. Not for one moment would he have given up on his mom, I would not have allowed it either, but he had to say the actual words for all of us. I remember his mom telling me how proud she is of the man her son became and how very blessed I am to have a husband that loves me so much. A very biased opinion but also one coming from a woman who would’ve loved to have such a man in her life.

My marriage is not all moonlight and roses. My husband doesn’t even buy me flowers. He chooses not. It’s a long story… He does however buy me books. Books are my love language. I am willing to put up with a tv in my room so that he can watch the soccer in bed if his team plays a late match. The sacrifices we make. 🙄 But all in all marriage is a give and take. It’s not just about you. It’s about finding yourself within your partnership and actively working on it together.

I’d love to hear what you think being a submissive wife is all about… Comment below or drop me an email.

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