Thank you for the music?


What’s on your playlist

“It’s warming up… Can you feel it?
Seems like you’re ready for more, more, more…
Let’s just kiss till we’re naked.
I love that dress but you won’t need it anymore…”
Do these words look familiar? Not? It’s the Bruno Mars hit “Versace on the Floor”. Why do you not know this?
Admittedly when I first heard the song, it did nothing for me. I’m not one for slow jams. Now get me into the groove and I’ll shimmy to a beat. A fast one. Nothing better than moving my hips. Whether it’s on or off beat. I dance like no one is watching. Similar to singing in the shower. The level of embarrassment when getting caught is pretty much the same.
Somehow that song worked its way onto my playlist (ok… I downloaded it to have a proper listen, it didn’t magically appear) and I forgot about it. Forgot about it so much that I listen to it almost every single day. Not that I particularly enjoy(ed) it, but I love my music and can’t exactly work or concentrate without it. So every day, for the past few months, I have been listening to Bruno Mars telling me to “Kiss till we’re naked” and while I’m still no fan of slow jams, the song latched itself to my sub conscious. It’s quite a sexy song. The type of song that evokes sensuality. I can see this woman’s dress dropping to the floor. Correction, her Versace. I’m imagining it to be red.
I go on to imagine Bruno Mars kissing her in the neck and nipping on her skin with his perfect teeth. (I don’t care if it’s veneers. It’s perfect.) He gently strokes her bare arm and she quivers, throwing her head back. Her hair flows down her back while her body arches to his. His breath hitches at the contact. So they kiss until they’re naked. Can you picture it?
If you can, how many other people do you think can? The power of music transforms us. It can lift your mood and make you happy, take you on trips down memory lane or inspire you. Music is also linked to education. It improves kids maths ability. While I can’t tell you if the “headphones on your preggy belly” works, I can tell you the impact it’s had on my kids and their schooling. I often look at people listening to music and wonder what thoughts dances its way across their minds. Do they want to let it rip and sing? Gyrate to the rhythm? Conjure a fond memory? Want to get naked? More often than not, I hope the latter doesn’t happen. That would just be awkward.
Allow me to take it a step further…
My 8 year old daughter, Little K, loves music too. In fact, all my kids do. Music and dancing. I guess at this point I should tell you that I can actually dance. It is the husband that can’t. (Shhh… don’t tell him I said it) But in all fairness he could. Once. When we were younger. He just kind of grew out of it. So, the kids get it from the both of us. The lack of lyrical prowess too.
The other evening I get home and Little K is singing “Shake it off for me, for me, for me…Versace on the floor”! And when I say sing, I mean the type that is close to a screech that might just get the windows blown up. Eyes closed and body swaying side to side. This is the type of voice that should be banned even from the shower. She’s all in. Feeling it.
I’m horrified. Exactly what is my child,My child!, doing singing “Versace on the floor”? What does she think she’s singing. This reminds me of that one time she was singing about “The Milk Money”. I thought it to be so hilarious until I heard the song is actually “MILF Money”. She’s 8! She’s not supposed to be singing listening to any song that contains the words MILF. For those who don’t know what a MILF is… It’s the acronym for “Mother I’d Like to F*#%$”. Eeeew… She’s 8! Eeew!!! That’s just wrong on so many levels. What kind of mother am I? Do I not pay attention to my kids? What am I allowing my kids to listen to? All kinds of crap is what. Why do I even know what a MILF is?
Now back up just a little bit, just in case you’ve thought any of the above. I am not a perfect mom. And no, this is not me trying to placate myself to the fact that I am actually a horrible mother person. I am in fact a horrible mom and I’m proud of it. I’m horrible when it counts. So horrible that I keep up with music trends and make it my business to know what my kids are listening to. The kind of monster who checks her kids mobile phones for any funnies. Yeah I said it. I go through each and every one of their texts to see what’s up in their lives. To be fair, I don’t read their chats. Not really. I scan through it. I block certain numbers from their whatsapp accounts. I view their history of their internet searches and take note of any inconsistencies. That is how I know that they’re hiding something (chats, searches etc.) from me. I’m so terrible that I make them watch YouTube clips of rape victims sharing their stories. Oh yes I share all kinds of things with them to make them aware of just how terrible society is. And I’m unfair. That mom who doesn’t allow sleepovers while everyone else’s parents do. I just don’t love or care enough about my kids to allow them to get into sticky situations. So terrible that I won’t allow them to visit friends whose parents don’t have the decency to greet me when they see me in the street yet I welcome said kids into my home.
Are you ready to persecute me? Shall I tell my kids that the whole world and their brother agrees with just how bad I am? Has my worst nightmare just come true and I really am the worst parent alive? Have you had enough of me and my dramatics yet?
I purposefully have them read the lyrics of songs in order for them to know exactly what they’re singing along to. The exception to this is Rihanna’s “Work, work, work, work…” Towards the end I’m fairly certain that she’s singing a different language altogether. Majority of the music we listen to on a daily basis is not age appropriate. Unfortunately we do not have much control over what our kids listen to. If it’s got a beat and you can dance to it, well, there really is no win for parents. You can’t exactly keep them from hearing it. And you can’t make them “unhear” something either.
The solution? There is none. The best we can do as parents is to make our kids aware of what they listen to and what they watch. As much as we try to shelter them, we can’t. What we can do is try to be more proactive and involved in their lives. I’m not saying become their bff and dress the part of a teen, acting all kinds of fool because let’s face it, your kid is not your friend. You have a duty toward the human race. That duty is to raise that little human to not just be able to discern between right or wrong. Your duty is to raise that human with a moral compass in order for them to survive in our already messed up society. To be tolerable creatures whom you can be proud of one day. Wouldn’t you like to beam with pride one day and say “You see that Person there? Not the one chairing the SONA. No, the other one. No not that one either.” Whether your child makes the big time in life or has a menial job you still continue “Yes that one. I baked him/her”. Your smile stretches from ear to ear while the person you spoke to think you’re all kinds of nuts because they still don’t know which one you’re referring to.
Call me a prude if you will… But it’s not often that I can actually say “Thank you for the music”.

With love,

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