What do you put out into the world?

The other day I mentioned a woman’s name in a conversation and immediately the other women I spoke to rolled their eyes. I immediately asked why and the response from various women were exactly the same. “She thinks the world of herself and that she’s better than everyone else.” “She expects everyone to know who she is.”

As an all round encourager and proud supporter of women this touched a nerve. More so because their voices echoed what I had been thinking too. Thinking but not uttered. You see, I don’t make a habit of judging anyone especially women. I try my best not to tear women down and apart because I firmly believe that there is enough pie for everyone and that we can benefit so much more from each other IF we open ourselves up to giving and receiving. Filling each others cups.

You will always hear me telling you to walk tall and to be confident. Heck, the other day I was saying saying that walking tall and being yourself is not pride but a sign of self love and self confidence. Truthfully I get warm and fuzzy seeing people do good in life and feel sad when they have hardships. So for me to now admit that I also had some bad thoughts about another woman doing this makes me seem like a big hypocrite.

There is however a big difference between walking tall, doing you while owning it and walking tall with a superiority complex making other women feel less than. Now I hear you. We are not responsible for how others feel. And yes, I agree. To an extent though. Remember that quote “People may forget what you’ve done but they’ll never forget how you make them feel.” A different perspective don’t you think?

I am not the kind of woman who gets easily intimidated by anyone. Jealousy is not exactly high on my list of priorities and competing with anyone… Guys I don’t have the time or the money. (No sarcasm here.) I am also not the kind of woman who feels “less than” and can hold my own in any company, standing firm in what I believe in.

But guys, when I see some women and the way they carry themselves, thinking they are better than anyone else it makes me angry and sad. What makes some people think they are more special than anyone else? Our circumstances may differ vastly but we’re all human breathing the same air. And while some of our bank accounts may be bigger than others, the value of money still remains the same.

My job description says I am a secretary, yet my boss (who earns way more than me!) thinks that I am well off and that money is no obstacle to my husband and I. He has a point though. But from where I’m standing, money does not define me, or anyone. My husband and I make our money work for us. It is not who we are. My job title is not who I am. Wearing fancy clothes sometimes does not set me apart from the rest.

Empowering women and being a cheerleader in life is who I am. Planting seeds of hope and love is what I aim to do. I so much wish I had a magic wand to bippitty bappity boom sunshine and happiness into everyone’s lives. Yet that does not make me special. Shouldn’t we all strive to be the best version of ourselves daily and do good? Is things like kindness, courtesy and respect for our fellow humans not be a given by now?

Sure, not everyone deserves our respect but, in respecting others we continue with our own journey of self respect. I don’t know about you but it feels like every time I lose my cool with someone and respect for them dithers as I voice my sometimes unnecessary opinion, I lose a bit of myself. Being aware of this makes me keep a tight reign on my tongue. No one is worth me losing face. Now I also know that respect is earned but what about respecting each other from the get go as humans first? Because can you imagine if we all did and said as we pleased to whomever, whenever.

I’d like to think that the way I make people feel is what sets me apart. I want to make everyone feel special because we are all unique and special in our own way.

A few years ago my manager at the time made our whole department do an exercise. We had to each provide about ten or more good qualities about each person in the department and it had to be written on a big poster on the wall. All anonymously. For some it was real difficult because many of my colleagues didn’t get along. At. All. It was kind of difficult for me too because even I couldn’t find good qualities about a few of them. But we all had to search for the good and do it.

This turned out to be a great exercise for our department because it raised the morale. We didn’t all turn out to be best buds but knowing that someone took the time out to look for a good quality and not just write for the sake of writing meant a great deal. It was a game changer.

Guys I know that some of us have been hurt in the past and our walls are up so high that we would rather people make their own conclusions than allow anyone in. Afraid of getting hurt again. Some of us really think we are the bees knees, and you probably are, and we don’t want to mix with people we deem “not worthy” afraid that they’ll drag us down or need something from us. But I’d like to encourage you to sit down and think about what you put out into the world because it comes back to you. No! I don’t wish for anything bad to happen but imagine the possibilities of being someone else’s light. Of being the reason for someone’s smile or making someone else feel like they’re worth it. Finding your tribe and being the change we all want to see in the world.

My challenge to you is to find the person or people you least like and making a list of their good qualities. You can share it with them or keep it to yourself. You decide. But keep an open mind and please feel free to come back to me and let me know what you learnt. There is a mighty valuable lesson in this for yourself that is a much higher dividend than just seeing the good in those people.

My email addy is info@nowoman.co.za or feel free to dm me on Instagram or Facebook @no.ordinary.woman. Even if you just want say a quick HI.

FYI: The woman I mentioned earlier on’s name came up in a business conversation and it wasn’t as part of some juicy gossip or anything close to it but the mere mention of her name sent the conversation into a total different direction. I have made a list of good qualities I noted about her already and all round I give her her due and respect her for what she has accomplished in life. We’ll just leave it at that. 💙💙💙

With love,


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