Women, Stop Wondering If You’re A Good Mother
Let me start this off by saying this: If you ever wonder whether or not you’re a good mother, or even just a good enough mother, STOP! Stop giving yourself a hard time and over thinking your parenting skills. Women you never have to wonder if you’re a good mother. You are amazing. Freaking amazing!
Raising kids today is not fun and games. I suppose it’s always been that way. Women of yesteryear had their own motherhood struggles.
There are so many expectations we feel obligated to fulfill. Too many rules to abide by. Many of which is impossible. Not to mention our attempts of competing with the mom next door. The one who has everything together. The one we wish to be, but we fail horribly because our kids will never be as well behaved as her brood. Her shine diminishes your own. So, we admire her from afar and silently watch for that moment she unravels. Which she never does, by the way. Did I mention that the mother is me? Perfect in so many ways. Depending obviously on the side of the looking glass you’re viewing from.
I often joke and say that I clothe and feed my kids AND they are alive so that should count for something right? But my joke is not really a joke. The way I say it may be a tad funny but it’s more fact than fun. What is fun about my approach to motherhood is that I don’t take it too seriously. Off course I’m raising my kids to be the kind of humans that you would welcome into your folds. The old adage “you don’t raise your kids for yourself” is what I apply to my parenting strategy. Added to that is my sergeant major approach. Kids need structure, discipline and consistency. They crave it. Even though my consistency is often in the form of death threats that is synonymous to coloured moms (Or so I’m told). I have perfected the art. I did say I’m perfect, didn’t I?
The greatest compliment I ever receive is how well mannered my kids are. I bask in delight whenever I hear someone tell me that. It means that I’m doing something right. Validation I don’t require, but certainly not unwelcome either. What those same people see when they look at me is a good mom. Like I totally have all my ducks in a row. A good woman. Because apparently women get rated by the quality of kids she produces.
They look through the window of my life and see everything I wish would be true. The things I wish I could be but will never be. Not all at once.
I could bore you and tell you all about my shortcomings and failures I often face or about how amazing I think my kids are. I can maybe list their achievements and make this a brag post about how great a mom I am at times. Today is not the day for that though. Today it’s about all you moms out there who, like me, drops the ball. Sometimes more than other times. The moms who loses the plot completely. And the mom who feels that you’re doing nothing right.
Parenting is not a competition. Nothing in life is. Unless it’s a marathon or an actual competition where you go for gold.
As moms we take many things too seriously. We go through the motions of life and when you look again its mid April 2018. It’s unreal to me too. Like how did we get here already? But moms, how often do you laugh and act a fool with your kids? When last did you “just be” with your kids? Do they know you or are you an elusive figure that just happens to be a constant in their lives? That’s mom and she’s a human but also not. Always busy.
Working moms work their fingers to the bone to provide and are often too tired for their kids. We have to cook and clean all the time to ensure that our kids are healthy and live in a clean environment. These are essential chores but also time stealers. When we help our kids with homework we take it so seriously because we want good grades. More for ourselves than for our kids. Yeah moms, I know your secret. No judgies 😉 We forget little details sometimes like school meetings or our contributions for PTA fundraisers. Stay at home moms have the same problems too though. Running a household is not for the faint hearted and your bosses are even more finicky than the corporate world bosses who can actually fire you.
In our quest to be on top of everything we neglect some of the most important aspects of motherhood. Growing with our kids. Learning with and from them. It amazes me how much I’ve learnt about resilience from my kids. How to let go and forget things. Like how I forget to make supper when they forget to wash dishes. And the art of keeping quiet. Knowing that that my silence bothers them as much as theirs so me. Mostly cheap psycho.
If ever I wanted to be like someone, a Proverbs 31 woman is it. That woman had some mad skills. The most important facet of that woman, that many women don’t realize, is that she didn’t didn’t do evertyhing all at once. No woman can be that great and on top of It all the time. She was great at various stages of her life. And so too moms, we don’t have to have our lives all together at once. It happens in stages and phases.
As my kids grow older I am constantly evolving and learning to know them all over again. This is my first round as a mom so I’m not expected to know everything. Neither of my kids are all the same, so mothering each of them is a different experience.
But moms lets get serious. Where you are right now is where you are supposed to be. Strive for excellence in whatever you do but take a load off and stop putting pressure on yourself. There is no right or wrong in parenting. Unless off course you encourage your kids to do drugs and be horrible humans. That is frowned upon.
You do you. Your kids will adapt.
Always remember that no one is successful alone. It’s not necessary to take advice from everyone because our kids are all tailor made. What works for me won’t necessarily work for you. It is however great to bond with other moms and surrounding yourself with supportive individuals. Find your tribe.
And when next you look at the mom who seems to have the perfect life and perfect kids, remember that she struggles as much as the rest of us. What you may see as perfection or success had to have come at a cost to her. Because nothing worth having in life is free. It’s called sacrificing.
Planning is my thing. I plan most of my life and everything on my to do list has a time allocated to it. Kind of crazy for the easy going person I believe myself to be, but my life revolves around lists.
This is what my mom list looks like. These remind me that I’m more than just a mom. I am a person and if my person is happy or even content then I can accomplish just about anything.
- Appreciate what you have. Your life, family, kids, job…
- Cut yourself some slack
- You don’t have to do everything by yourself.
- Never compare yourself with anyone else. Especially another mom.
- Do what you can when you can.
- Don’t overthink. Sometimes the best solutions to a problem are the simplest.
- Be selfish with your time. Even when it comes to your family.
- Be kind. To others and yourself.
- Take it easy. Do one thing at a time.
- Keep going. Everyday is a new opportunity.
My list is not very mom centred. It’s me centred and that’s the beauty of it. If I’m not on top form mentally and emotionally then my family’s life may go up in flames.
Moms I need you to know and understand that no matter what people perceive of you, you have been given a gift. Along with that gift you had a choice and motherhood chose you right back. You know how hard you work so don’t let that little voice in your head tell you that you’re not good enough. Shut the noise down and trust in yourself. Power off if you need to. Wanting to be as great as you possibly can, be active in your life to provide for your kids is a challenge. No one said it was easy but it’s not difficult either. Trust in your struggle. The one thing in your struggle you should never have to worry about is the love that motivates you. This can and will make you thrive.
So here’s me drinking to all the fantastic moms out there. 😘